Deeper Than Six FT

 

I thought the words would provide some assistance.
I thought the admission would make a difference.
I get it, I get it.
She on drugs, and she inconsistent.
I had a childhood, and she missed it.

I went through the stages already.
I was sad, I was angry, I was petty.
I needed to let go, but I was never ready.
But this right here—
This is heavy.

Through it all, I kept the fire burnin’—
I had hope.
I stayed yearnin.
I wanted to understand her, so I kept learnin.
No matter what—
Her love and affection, I couldn’t earn it.

I couldn’t tell her how precious she was; and to life she was a gift.
I couldn’t teach her how to love, live, and not just exist.
She was MY momma, I couldn’t provide that lift.

 

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Mother daughter

 

I know you love me.
But you’re loyal to the streets.
No cancer, but there’s a link.
Mama I heard, and I let it sink.
I couldn’t cry.
I never blinked.

Charge it to logic, and not my heart.
I’m your child, and I did my part.
I was bitter, then I forgave.
Mama, I turned the page.
Mama, there was no rage.
Forgave your selfish ways.
Only to turn around, and watch you run the same plays.

I ain’t mad, I’m tender.
Those good days,
I gotta remember.
Both born in December.
Who I got to know.
I’ll always defend her.
Father God.
Please forgive her.

 

Hypomanic

Briefly—

Taking risks, as the world gets offended.
No room for second guessin or being timid.
When it comes to time,
what’s a limit?
Knowin the rule, but choosin to bend it.
Baseless prayers, but choosin to send it.

Idea after idea, but appointments missed.
Barriers don’t exist.
Elevated mood, but easily pissed.
It’s a wedding day, right before divorce.
It’s crying and ridin, crashin a Porsche.

Briefly is not that long.
But the highs and lows,
are just that strong.

Most

There were parts of him he’d never seen.
What he didn’t know;
caused a scene.
Screamin and yellin, the light was green.
He went to jail,
Her hands were clean.

Abandonment awakened hidden stress.
Hearing after hearing–
That man was a mess
The judge set boundaries,
that man couldn’t test.
He gave what he had, and life took the rest.
Dying inside,
a prize to the press.

His own people chose sides.
They broke like pies.
They turned their backs, they cut ties.
He was greeted wit half hugs, and wide eyes.

He Said

He was right when he said intentions weren’t malicious.
Everything was tainted, I grew suspicious.

He was right when he said I never had hope.
I watched him stutter and cry.
I watched him choke.

He was right when he said I had no emotion.
His tears meant nothing—
just drops to an ocean.

He was right when he said I lied to his face.
He turned and walked, he tested the chase.
He started moving fast, but I kept my pace.
He got further and further, but I kept my place.
I poked holes in his heart, now he calls me lace.

He was right when he said he couldn’t help.
I was so guarded–
I couldn’t feel what he felt.

El Squared

Lust captured my heart like a hit.
My brain responded.
It lit!
Meat was dangled, and I bit.

Love had no chance.
Up against lust.
Love couldn’t stand.

I never said good night, but stole a kiss.
In darkness I drove in bliss.
Free throws
I couldn’t miss.

Love had no chance.
Up against lust.
Love couldn’t stand.
What I was taught, is what I drew.
I thought lust was love, I never knew.
A healthy love?
It was new.

I had a chance and I blew.
Like I said—
It was new.

Will D.

I got the call but I wasn’t ready.
Life was coo, things were steady.
Point five seconds,
my heart got heavy.

Our connection became history.
I was left wit questions.
a mystery.

Fear, guilt, and sadness all arose.
I had so much to say,
but couldn’t impose.

God rest your heart; God bless your soul.
It’s all a shock, it’s takin’ a toll.
I’m at a road I’m forced to cross.
Questioning God, I wouldn’t insult.
So I’m doing what I do,
chasin my thought.

What it’s doing, I wanna digress.
I wanna be strong,
I’m doing my best.
I know I gotta let you go.
I gotta let you rest.

#RESTEASY #WATCHOVERME

Style

Revealing the truth made a difference.
Regardless of what it was, I was gifted.
Fearful avoidant, I tried to avoid it.
I wasn’t being true,
I couldn’t destroy it.
My demeanor was rude.
Fear kept me guarded.
Reassurance kept me glued.
Saying sorry, I was so unsure.
Every burned bridge was a cure.
Revealing the truth made a difference.
Regardless of what it was, I was gifted.

Sheeki86

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